Ironic

I don't really know what I was expecting.. but I didn't want it to be that. Me just standing there starring into his shit brown eyes.. the light catching them everytime and igniting a honey warm gold around the pupil. Such a damn ass, but yet not even close. I basicly just like to say that to make things seem... understandable? I guess that word assocation works.

I didn't really know what was going to happen after that first night. Laying there smoking a cig, half naked at the foot of his bed. But then here I am, looking at him and its not what I thought, but then again theres always that chance I'm digging. Its what I do, I dig and make excuses. Then again, he was at work. What, was he just suppose to jump me there and be all "i want you baby, yea" Get real John Travolta, this aint no Grease. If I wanted that shit i'd have stuck with the last loser. BLah, gag me.

Its funny, I either find the ones that show no reaction or at least not the one I'm looking for or the ones that cry and call me baby. I wasn't in dirty dancing thats not ma name hunny. Is it really that hard to find someone that goes straight to short sweet and the point? I mean as bloodhound gang would say I don't wonna beat around the bush, but this time its not in a dirty context.

I guess thats just one of those things.

"Its like walking barefoot and stepping in a mud puddle.

You wonna be mad,

but you can't do anything but laugh,

cause its just so damn ironic."

It's Ironic

It's the story of my life

sum'd up in one word.

Now thats Ironic!

Song to Download; Ironic by Alanis Morisette

Faded Hope

The dust from the road springs up like a wildfire, random rocks ping on the aluminum of the painted car. The sun is neon yellow, at least that what my sunglasses say it is. I'm staring out at the fields. I have no idea where I'm at. But it doesn't matter. I know I'm where I'm suppose to be, and that's all what does. The wind flys through the window trying to bring my hair with it as it leaves, but it takes nothing more than the fresh scent of the car and his smell past me. I breath in, and let it release through my body.







I look over and there he is. Not trying to be slick, not trying to anything more than who he is. I smile. Say not one word. I kiss him on the face. I receive a smile. Not a word. Only a smile. The music in the car is steady, it's just the radio. It's working prefectly with whats happen, which is basicly nothing, so it works.


Then the sky changes and it darkens. The air is thick. Somethings wrong. But I can't understand what.

Then everythings gone. Nothings there. I'm alone. I should have known it would end up like this. Always does, it's just one of those things I can't help and I'll never be able to change.

The sky always starts out beautiful. Radiate and amazing. I get comfortable and set my hopes and mind up with a this is it and then it falls, and laughs at me.

Keep the fire going, I'm sick of second guessing and asuming something could be perfect, because it never will be. I should just get it through my head that

nothing is good

and its a waste of time

good night to my dreams

and hello reality

you are brutal

and cruel

but at least your

real

Song to download; Dancing Shoes by Artic Monkeys

Mind Fuck

mind fuck;

when something takes a hold of your thoughts.

Scrambles it.

teases it.

basicly fucks it.

good.

bad.

it could be anything.

caused by anything.

it doesn't matter.

it's still a mind fuck.

good luck&,

good bowling.

song to download; Goodnight& Go by Imogen Heap

Wind Chimes

The window is cracked, oh so very slightly. Enough to let in the dwindling remains of the frozen fresh air. The light, why have a light on when the moon seems to pour in like a damn spotlight. Igniting the entire room with a haze of sliver musk. The moons beam isn't cold, nor warm. But it sends something through my body. I feel it pulse through every vain and spin like acid vines. The wind chimes, the wind's favorite game. He plays them like something classic, like a dream.

Breath in.

Breath in.

Breath in.

Release

Release

Fall

Explode

I close my eyes. Everything begins to dance. While dancing their funny dance the wind chimes outside begin to sound once again. Every beat with every part of their dance coincide. I don't even know who they are, but they dance to the wind chimes. Swinging eachother about like fallen leaves in the fall breeze. They tangle themselves in eachothers hands.

The wind blows through the cracked window

I can smell the old snow

It'll be gone soon

very gone

very soon

Song to download; What did I ever give you by Kaiser Cheifs

Exposed

Laying there, completely exposed to the open world with the thin maroon sheet cover my lower half and my body sinking more and more into the plush mattress I stare up. The ceiling has a crack. A Big one. It's staring me in the face, asking me to scale the wall and crawl in. I don't think I'd trust it. My eyes see another crack trailing from the larger one, my eyes follow it. Around the ceiling and it creeps down the wall. I turn my head to see it better and my eyes catch the glimpse of the man next to me. His eyes are shut and his chest is moving slowly. Rising. Falling. Rising. Falling. He's breathing, still asleep. Then the memories from last replay in my mind. My eyes fall shut and let it play.

I feel a smile run my face.

I feel my body re-open

I'm even more exposed again

and I like it this way

because I know I'm alive

My goosebumps are coming back

and nothings touching me

But it's just the thought of his hands

I open my eyes and let in the perfect amount of air and let it's oxygen flow to every part in my body. I reach over to the night stand and find my cigarettes, too much of something pure needs to be contaminated with something toxic so I can believe it. I grab my zippo and flick it on fire and inhale the fiery through a roll of brown chemicals. The smoke swirls from my mouth and hits the crack and seeps away asking me to follow again. The smoke disturbes the slumber of the man. He lets his hand slide down my arm, then to my hand and laces my fingers and steals my cigarettes.

Those hands, thats why I allow this.

I watch his lips press around the fliter and his cheak suck in and his jaw line defines. Then everything releases and the smoke excapes his mouth and follows to the crack in the ceiling.

We finish the cigarette together.

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale

Exhale

Pass

Repeat

Then those hands wrap around me and pull me into him and embrace me.

I'm exposed.

Wide open.

I am vindicated.

The sun begins to appear through the blinds and I see our embrace in the morning light. I bit his sholder to make sure he's real, he grabs my face and kisses my lips and his taste lets me know this is it. This is what its about. He's eyes grab mine and they hold me in a way no body could. No restraint could ever. And this is what it's about.

Thats it.

Song to download; Honey &the moon by Joseph Arthur

Cosmik Debris

My advice; Catch me while you can.

Meet me where truth is the language and lies don't exist. Where green meets white and beauty, it's in the mist. Meet me 2 miles past go and 5 before stop.
Meet me in my neverland, good luck.

Robert De'Niro has some odd power over me.

My hair resembles a lion's mane, grrr

...hence the lion factor.

The most ironic day in history for me
September 19th
[national talk like a pirate day]
and thats all i'll say.

I have two cats
Tiger&Nikita

Ten years ago I told my great grandma she would be around til forever
[she denied it and told me not to get my hopes up]
She turns 94 on april fools day.

I dream more than I actually think

... I think?

Do you miss I gotta have my pops'

I don't I have 5 boxes in my basement, you think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

I bet I would make a great surfer

...it's the hair, right?

Margaret Cho, sdjaklfjadojalgjal
I DIE.

There is nothing more amazing than sitting on the top of granite peak in the middle of the

winter
&staring out at this little city&
watching it grow
Then riding down the moutain like it's meant to be, because I think it is.

I believe that Tom Petty&Bob Dylan have the best lyrics
EVER

....and you know you can't deny that fact, don't even try.

Zeppelin&Queen, will rock your skull
While Zappa will fuck your mind.

These past 4 years have been the biggest mind fuck ever
and It was for the best
&it only took me 4 years to realize it.

You know when you see that shooting star? Or 11:11? Or you blow out all your birthday candles?
The wish has been the same for the past 4 1/2 years, it hasn't come true yet.

Would you love to join me in the summer grass and watch the stars
I'll find orion's belt instantly.

In my opinion, nothing is more beautiful than wisco July-December.
You'll see the greatest changes of three season.
it's phenomenal.

I use to think I could whisper in the wind and it would carry my deepest thoughts
[actually I still do]
Mother nature knows more about me than any human ever could.

Whenever I see a cop I have the most over powering erge to yell out ''po po''
or ''I thought I smelt bacon''

Only a mere 5 people have ever lit my cigarrette, all for good reason
many others have tried.
&have gotten very pissed once denied.
[makes me laugh]

I enjoi the late late show with Craig Fergusen alot.

The most amazing things in life aren’t really your accomplishments;

it’s not where you’ve been, or where you came from.

It’s not how much money you have in your back pocket; it’s not even how far you’ve come, or even what you’ve over come.

The most amazing things in life are walking down the street barefoot

with a coke in one hand a cig in the other and a backpack with an art pad and your journal.

Song to download; Cosmik Debris by Frank Zappa

Dew Fucked Simplicity

I'm walking down the street, and I stop for a second and reach in my back packet and pull out my pack of basics. Flipping open the top and pulling out a cig I press it between my lips and flip the zippo and flick the flint that sparks the flame. I stare at the flame, watch it burn for a second then bring the flame to my cigarette and inhale and watch the cherry begin to burn, burn, burn. Flipping the top shut and looking up the mist is at waist height. The haze lingers in the air as if by some chance hiding something laying dead on the ground infront of me.

I pull my cigarette away from my mouth, exhale, then bring it back, inhale.

The sun is rising slowly, but yet more rapidly than ever before. Everything feels like the first time, the day feels like the first light, and I can't explain why. By standing on this street and pressing that flitered mess to my mouth and inhaling its toxic fuel I'm happy, actually happy. Barefoot on the moist dew fucked ground in nothing more than a pair of jeans and a gray tank top simply because i can is the beauty of simplicity. The words of wonder and music of praze raped my brain and tear my mind, but I'm happy.

Happiness is lossing myself in my own brain and letting myself become, in the simplist of all words, mind fuck'd and by non other than myself. My happiness is standing in that dew fucked grass contemplating everything, because I can.

Thats Happiness, beause I can.









Song to Download; Cigarette Smoke by Artic Monkeys